The sad story of Steve Sarkisian

So, let me see if I have this right…

According to numerous sources, Steve Sarkisian is suing USC for wrongful termination because they “kicked him to the curb” and “wrongfully terminated him”, all “without accommodating his efforts to seek treatment for his disability”?

Interesting… Did I miss the point where Sark went into Pat Hayden’s office and admitted that he wanted help? Guess I wasn’t the only one, as it seems that even Hayden and the rest of the USC administration was a bit perplexed when Sark revealed that he “was on a plane to seek treatment” when he received news he was being let go.

Now that is convenient…  I mean, what great timing. Headed towards rehab at the exact moment your employer chooses to let you go for what can only be termed persistent infringement. Interesting that THIS happened to be the first time he finally chose to go.

Something feels amiss though. I mean, wouldn’t it cross your mind to at least relay to your employer that you planned to be gone for a few days, especially with the small matter of a game against Notre Dame looming? Or am I mistaken? Did they recently create overnight rehab programs?

What this whole thing strikes me as is the last ditch effort of a man forced to view what was once a bright future as it fades. The curiosity I have in all of this is wondering at what point we as a society start holding people accountable for THEIR actions?

As a grown man, Sarkisian should be able to see that he alone created this situation. Even for those that argue alcoholism is a sickness, you cannot deny that the definition of being a grown up is being able to recognize when our own personal beliefs counter every other piece of information given to us that it is time to make a change. Or am I simply romanticizing how things used to be?

I have some advice for Sarkisian: Man up. Start to take control over your mistakes by admitting that you alone are at fault. Only through this first step will you begin to take back your life.

Don’t just do it for your overall health and well being, do it for your future. Do you really think any FBS program is going to take a chance on a guy so willing to pass the blame? Not exactly the life lesson that makes it into any university’s motto.

When did we become so broken?

This question of the brokenness of humanity is one I often find myself contemplating. It is, in fact, the one existential question that continually creeps back into my consciousness. I guess I believe that if I can find the answer I can help fix man.

Egotistical? Sure. Impossible? Probably. It is, after all, an existential question and there is always at least a touch of subjectivity in anything philosophical.

The truth though is that humanity's brokenness is not a new concept, at least not if history is any indication. From violent acts in the name of God, to rampant greed in the name of progress; humanity has an abundance of examples of what it means to be selfish. Who knows though, maybe we have only been convinced of this. Fear is the greatest motivator (and the easiest way to control the masses). But that is another question entirely...

As I ponder the question of our brokenness, I have to remind myself that the answers are rarely if ever absolute. Subjectivity is always going to lead to heated conversations. With this in mind, take my writings as simply my opinion.

As I contemplate what caused society to become broken, one quote always sticks out: "I'm sorry, there is no race today; we don't have enough blue ribbons for everyone." It seems that in our desire to ensure that no one's feelings are hurt, we have lost sight of the fact that the greatest growth comes from failure, not success. Instead of holding people accountable for their actions our current society has been trained to either tell people that they are special and great or ignore their aberrant behavior.

Any idea what this breeds? Sociopaths.

Think about it, if you took a test and failed or tried out for a team and were cut and simply had to raise your voice to be given another shot (or worse, a better grade or spot), at what point would you begin to believe that this was normal? If you were the head of a major corporation that fleeced millions of people out of their homes and livelihood and, when caught, were rewarded with a bailout instead of jail, would you ever change?

Have you ever noticed how sensitive people are these days? When was the last time you truly told someone how you felt, especially when that opinion differed from what you know they WANT to hear?

I get it. No one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to overstep their boundaries and lose a friend, or worse, their job. In wonder though, isn't a teachers job to let a child know whether or not they are prepared for the future? Is it not all of our jobs to let the corrupt CEO know that their behavior is in fact criminal?

I blame much of this on the baby boomer generation. Or, more specifically, on their reaction to the world they grew up in and the eventual lessons passed along to their children. Again, I get it. Every generation dreams of being better than the one before them. Unfortunately, like a rebellious teenager, the response is a often complete overhaul rather than some simple changes.

You see, while none of the boomers directly felt the effects of the Great Depression, we can be sure that many of their bedtime stories involved squirrels fighting over and stocking away nuts for a cold, hard winter. Almost explains why most of them passed to their children the belief that no amount of money is enough. Couple this with the fact that the formative years of boomers and their children followed the greatest growth in the world's economy and it is not difficult to understand why the massive gulf in wealth distribution began.

What bothers me the most about all of this is the lack of culpability. Back to that concept of an always broken society...

Let me explain. If you were to ask any boomer what is wrong with the kids of today, what do you expect the answer to be? Almost always it is that today's kids are the most entitled generation ever. While tough to argue against, I am left to wonder why these same people neglect to see the root of this problem.

You see, while boomers love to rail against the 26 year old who lives in his parent's basement, what they conveniently overlook is the fact that they caused this epidemic.

Instead of graduating from college with a bachelor's degree and no debt, hounded by three companies to come work for them; kids today graduate with $30k in debt for a piece of paper worth next to nothing and no viable job offers. Why? Because not only have they been convinced they have to obtain a college degree to get ahead, so have all of their friends.

What makes this problem worse is that baby boomers are not only not retiring when they can afford to (thus opening up jobs), but they also believe that they deserve massive salaries (in many cases 40+ times more than the average employee for upper management) which take away from the companies ability to hire new blood. Weird that baby boomers love to rail how the generations below them are unwilling to work when the reality is that anyone not in upper management is doing the work of at least two people. Hey, got to maximize the company's profit, right?

So, in addition to debt and limited chance at employment (or at least gainful employment in their field) kids today have to take whatever job they can find (heck, those loans aren't going to repay themselves). Save for that house? Ummm... Nope, can't afford it.  Why not? Simple. Turns out, buying houses and turning them into rental properties is very lucrative. Great for those that can afford the overvalued homes, not so much for that 26 year old with two degrees working at McDonalds so he can pay the $800/mo in loans.

We may be broken, but I believe that we can be fixed. It'll take tough conversations; society has to start speaking up and holding people accountable. Above all, we must all embrace that failure is not the end of the world; not unless we individually make it out to be.

Failure teaches us our greatest lessons. Not only can it show us our weaknesses, it gives us an opportunity to learn how strong we are. Are you willing to correct your own mistakes? Are you afraid to let people criticize you? Do you expect that life is supposed to be easy and fun? Are you willing to accept responsibility for yourself and your actions?

Not only is your response to failure the greatest indicator of who you are, it is also the greatest indicator of who your children will become.

A "spiritual testimony" letter attached to applications to coach at Christian schools

To begin with, I want to preface this statement with the acknowledgement that I do not consider myself a Christian, at least not in the typified sense of the word. Being raised as a Roman Catholic, I fully believe that the teachings of Christianity serve as a perfect substratum for what it means to be a good human. When I say that I am not a Christian, I simply mean to relay that I do not believe that Christ is the only example of what it means to be a good person. Through my life’s wanderings and interactions with people of other faiths, I have come to realize that every religion shares one basic tenet: treat others and yourself well.

Throughout my life I have always considered myself a very spiritual person. In fact, if someone were to ask me what my dream job would be, the role of pastor immediately springs to mind. The only reason I have not pursued this path is my lack of belief that any one religion is the “true” religion. Thankfully, my passion for preaching the greater good is not lost as I have found that, through teaching and coaching, I can still help others grow in their understanding of self and the world around them. As it turns out, helping others find and follow their moral compass gives me my greatest joy.

So, all of this begs the question as to whether I think that I could coach at a school where Christ is a focus? The answer is absolutely. In fact, this would actually make the job easier as I would imagine that the student/athletes who choose to attend Whitworth do so out of a passion to follow one of the world’s greatest examples of what a life of servitude looks like. This means that they understand what it means to give of self, to sacrifice for the greater good and to always be aware of how they are impacting those around them.

This shared belief and passion further simplifies my role of coach by providing an immediate example of how any situation (good and/or bad) can be handled. Couple this with the fact that most of the student/athletes who choose to attend Whitworth do so out of belief that your University's education will enable them to best live a good life, and I foresee ease in creating a group of driven, compassionate followers. 

This is my greatest hope: that I will always have the opportunity to help others find their passion, spread their love, and grow in their understanding of what being a good person means.

“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

My take on the belief "My God is better than your God" (part 2 in the series)

I had another interesting conversation the other day; this time with a 25 year old Christian just out of Bible college. What made this particular conversation so interesting was that it again reinforced a simple contradiction I have found in almost every religion: even though nearly EVERY religion has at its core the same tenets, intelligent and kind people can still believe that their religion is the ONE "true" religion.

While I can understand where this belief came from (religions have a vested interest in convincing their constituents that theirs is the one and only religion as lost members equate to lost power and revenue), what I cannot reconcile is the exclusivity paramount to most religions. You see, even though every religion can agree that a positive afterlife takes being a good, kind and loving person, very few (if any, truly) teach that this is possible unless you believe in THEIR god.

Strange that the only thing conflicting religions admit to agreeing upon is the policy of exclusivity.

During this conversation I was told that even though the majority of my actions were "Christ-like",  I would not be allowed into heaven simply because I did not believe Christ is THE son of God. This held true even after Robert acknowledged that Christ never expected people to call themselves Christian (as this term didn't exist until after he died), all he ever asked was that people follow his example of what it meant to live a good life.

This contradiction has always struck me as strange. To believe that an all-knowing, all-loving God would purposefully deny any creation access to something positive simply because one detail of a religion is not specifically acknowledged? Since when did God come to resemble the mean girl in high school?

To gauge how deep his belief ran, I posed a hypothetical scenario to Robert: There is a Chinese man growing up in the rural northern part of China who is, by all accounts, a good man to his family, his friends and his community. This man happens to be a devout Buddhist.

I ask, "Is this man not going to heaven?".

As expected, Robert's answers were eerily similar to the ones I hear every time I pose this hypothetical situation to people of differing faiths, and they always astound me. As Robert understands it, if this man has ZERO access to any of the specific teachings of Christianity, he is given a pass (because he had no chance to deny their religion, their God accepts this man because he is good). But, should this man have a missionary come and preach "the word", if he chooses to believe in the religion he grew up with rather than the one a foreigner preached about in a language he didn't really understand, he is denied access.

I then expand the hypothetical by asking Robert what his reaction would be to a Buddhist monk coming into his bible classes and preaching that Christ was not THE son of God but rather simply A son of God. I asked him how long it would take before he renounced his faith of 25 years. Robert's answer was cut straight from the cloth of every devout follower, "Never. I believe (insert your God here) is the way." When pressed to explain why the Chinese man should miss out on heaven simply because he felt the same way as Robert himself did, I could see the wheels churning, but Robert's teaching showed through, "God will show himself to every person. It is up to them to choose to follow."

Isn't this what happens to EVERY person who chooses to follow a religion? Whether they hear some snippet of conversation, have a miraculous moment, or are searching and find an answer, doesn't everyone who chooses a religion do so because they feel a pull to God? If so, why then is any ONE religion THE religion? Doesn't it stand to reason that the God every individual is drawn to is the SAME god? Aren't we all simply Chinese Buddhists in different clothing?

Christ did not preach Christianity. Buddha did not teach Buddhism. What each taught was love.

Love thyself, love thy neighbor. Follow the path of good acts and kindness and you will become enlightened. It truly doesn't matter what name your God has, we are all a part of the same journey. If God is truly omnipotent, why would a being with that much power care WHO you pray to? Wouldn't they instead only care whether or not you show that you have heard the message?

My take on Religion

I had an interesting conversation with a Muslim friend of mine the other night. As I sat in BrewBQ, inhaling my ground chuck burger, I noticed that Omar seemed more stressed than normal. This I found odd as I had rarely seen him with anything but a smile his face. I believe Omar is, in fact, the poster child for the world's "half-full" believers.

Being one that rarely shies away from an opportunity to delve into someone's life, I asked what was on his mind and was surprised to hear that he didn't really know. All he could express was that he was, like me, beginning to see the world as more "half-empty".

After chastising him for allowing me to become a bad influence, I turned to talk to his friend Ahmed as Omar sat in contemplation, the wheels of his mind obviously spinning. When he was finally able to put words to the thoughts pinging around his brain, I realized that I was in for an entertaining conversation.

You see, Omar considers himself devout in his Muslim faith. As such, he takes the word of Mohammed and his faith in Islam very seriously. The Word, as he has been taught, is a very strong voice in his life. Yet, even with this strength of belief,  he is always open to hear other's opinions and thoughts; the main reason he and I get along so well.

When pushed to explain where his frustration came from, Omar explained that he had been listening to some Egyptians known as the Light Bringers. What he learned (or, rather, what he was reminded of) was that not all of what he was told as he grew up was 100% accurate. While listening to these Muslims living in Egypt, Omar was surprised to hear that they believed that not all of what was being taught was rooted in the actual words of the Quran. Some of it was simply man's interpretation of those words.

When he researched the actual verses that had been used by devout Muslims to justify behaviors (in the instances he provided: a) that Muslims needed to make the path for Jews and Christians difficult and b) that it was acceptable for a man to marry a child) he realized that the words and ideas he had been taught had either been altered or completely fabricated simply to justify man's wants. This insight lead us into a lengthy conversation about the fallacies of humanity's love of religion.

The reason I found this conversation so entertaining was that this exact concept (that man manipulates words, thoughts and concepts for their own benefit) is something that troubles me about all religions. Throughout history we have been given examples of man's propensity to bend the words of their religions to gain money or power (the Crusades as a simple example). In fact, the most often cited reason for the formation of new religions (Buddhism and Confucianism to Christianity to Islam to Sikhism to Mormonism...) is because each new religion believes that the religion before it has become corrupt.

This belief is, more than anything, indication of what has always been a sad, yet common trend: Human sees humanity struggling. Human "hears" the word of God and creates a religion to express the "necessary" path. Coveting guidance and rules, people flock and said religion grows in power. Human realizes the extent of their power and shifts their focus from education about how to live a good life to maintaining power (usually through the argument and teaching that their religion is the only TRUE religion).

This trend has happened time and time again, and it is a trend that will probably continue throughout the existence of humanity. As it turns out, few people want to acknowledge that every religion, at its core, teaches the same messages; the only thing that changes from religion to religion is who is in power. Even with something as powerful and meaningful as spirituality, the only thing that matters to some people is that they picked the right side.

How your FB profile affects your life

I remember when Facebook was in its infancy. Back then it took a verifiable college e-mail address simply to join. That didn’t last long.

With its ever-growing access to people’s lives increasing its popularity, soon people from all generations found themselves a part of something that feels like a massive social experiment on the boundaries of what people consider private. The strange thing is that most people fail to see the harm that can be done when they post something for the consumption of the masses.

I came to realize this early on, after teaching at a college for over a decade and watching as the “friends” section of my FB page grew over the years. 

Unfettered access to the lives and happenings of college kids has always amazed me. As I peruse pictures of scantily clad college bodies imbibing on alcohol and weed, passed out under a bush, or looking for a fight, I find myself wondering where some of these people learned lessons about the world around them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not here to profess that any of the aforementioned should stop. Having played soccer and run track in college, I will be one of the first to tell you that much of these moments were what made college so memorable. What I am attempting to understand is how many of these students were never taught to edit their profiles BEFORE handing in a job application.

With a search engine geared towards making finding ANYONE an easy task, do people not realize that one of the first things potential employers do is to look them up via FB or Google? If the many entertaining conversations I have had with friends in hiring positions are any indication, I can safely assume that most college graduates either skipped the lecture or simply didn’t think it could apply to them.

Believe me when I tell you that, though some of the things you post may do well in elevating your social status amongst your friend group, potential employers peruse these pictures while asking themselves, “what type of person is this individual?” Believe it or not, the ability to polish off a fifth, take a huge bong rip, or hook up with a new partner every few weeks is not exactly the type of person most companies are looking for, at least not a company of quality repute.

If you already happen to be employed, be aware that your employers are likely keeping an eye on you, especially if you tend to call in sick often. In fact, you can probably expect to find a pink slip in your mailbox one day if, instead of being home sick in bed, you choose to head off to the mountains to ski or to the beach to work on your tan, and lack the common sense to not rave about how awesome it was on your timeline. If your boss doesn’t see it, chances are good that at least one of your co-workers has access to your FB feed and, unless you are loved by all, there is a very good probability your transgression will be brought to the attention of someone in charge.

Believe it or not, the world is not as safe and secure as you may believe it to be. In the real world, there are actually consequences for bad choices.

Career advice for anyone searching

College is meant to be a time of immense growth. Unfortunately for many, the perspective necessary to fully grasp this is often lost in the social battlefield of popularity, or worse, in the deep recesses of their own trauma.

This is why I push for people to branch out their social network. Not only is this how we find people to learn from, but it also gives us people we can rely on in times of need. No one can do it alone.

Believe it or not, everything necessary to create and achieve your goals is all around you, especially if you are currently a student. The first step you must take is to delve honestly into who you are and what you want out of life. Only through truthful answering of these questions can anyone find real happiness. Just know that open honesty about self can often lead to painful realizations. This is okay.

Life is not supposed to ALWAYS be easy. Easy rarely challenges. We must experience pain, humility and sorrow because these emotions show us our true selves. They teach us what we can handle, what we need to avoid, and give us the best image of where our strengths as an individual lie.  

Everyone has a gift; we all excel at something. It is precisely these gifts that make us unique and show us our place in the world. When you work to figure out your passions and use them to find your direction you will be best able to find out where you belong.  

Above all, embrace that we are all different. Embrace this because it is the greatest gift we’ve been given. If you don’t believe this, take a moment and think about a world where everyone is EXACTLY the same. How many inventions, pieces of art, experiences, and opportunities would not even exist if we all shared one perspective?

To find your place, take a moment, and think about the things you love. If I were to give you 24 hours and unlimited funds, what would you fill your time with? Now think to yourself, can I make this a job?

If no job pops into your mind, what about those 24 hours brought you the most joy, and is there a career path that will surround you with these things? If you cannot think of a specific path, are there fields that have jobs or internships that provide the exposure and connections necessary to find the right career?

Don’t get frustrated while trying to answer these questions. We all have different approaches. While some have zero clue about who they are, much less what they want out of life, others know the shape of their career path even before most give this question thought.

I coached someone like that years ago. From the age of three he knew he wanted to be a pilot, and every year for his birthday his parents would take him to PDX to watch planes take off and land for hours. He now flies for Southwest.

I envied him for years because his passion and direction made me realize how far behind the curve I truly was. This changed when I realized that I had within me the power to create my own direction. 

That first step is figuring out what YOU want out of life, not what others may want for you. This means finding a career where most of your daily work consists of things you would choose to do willingly.

As the saying goes, “When you love what you do, you will never truly work a day in your life.”

We all matter

Though I meant it when I said that the easiest thing in the world to do is to say hello, I do understand how scary this exact endeavor can be.  People are not always as kind or as welcoming as we hoped they would be.

Just as we tend to anthropomorphize animals both real and inanimate, we all often mistakenly forget that not everyone views the world the same way we do.  This projection can sometimes make reality feel like it is crashing down around us.

It doesn’t have to be this way though.  Realize that every person you see, no matter how cool or popular they may pretend to be, is insecure at times.  Everyone has walls and, no matter how haphazard or irrational they may seem to you, it is not your job to forcefully attempt to crash through them.

Start small.  By simply sharing a hello you are showing another person that you see them, that they are indeed a part of your world.  If the person ignores you or, worse, treats you poorly, know that this is a reflection of some innate character flaw they are battling with rather than a judgment of you.  Believe it or not, the people who shun others based simply upon outward appearance are usually the ones battling the heaviest insecurities.

Every person in the world wants to be loved; every person wants to know that they matter.  Even the ones who push people away do so out of fear of rejection.   We have all been there.

It is sad that every human alive has experienced moments of self-doubt and low self-worth so powerful that running away seems the only logical choice, but it is a common experience.  We did it as children when we threatened to run away from our parents, and we all still experience it from time to time even today. 

What I ask in these moments is for you to stop and think about what you are specifically running from.  I would wager that it is not all of humanity.  Rather, it is more than likely a certain moment in time that went the opposite direction you hoped or expected it would.

Learn from these moments.  Take a step back and ask yourself why they went the way they did.  Did you hope that your crush thought about you the way you think about them, even when they hardly know you?  Did you hope for an invite to an event even though no one knew you actually wanted to go?  Did you expect an instant connection with someone who believes that the simple act of opening up to another person is a risk?

Life is truly about lessons.  It is about us stepping back and learning from what happened in any given moment.  Most important, it is about us learning to tell the difference between what we control in that moment and what we don’t.

Trust me when I say that not everything is going to go as you hoped it would; life is not supposed to be easy.  We would not grow to become our best self if everything was handed to us.  All of us are meant to struggle, to have doubt and fear, anxiety and stress.  We experience these things because they best help us figure out not only who we are but also what we truly want out of life.

Every person possesses the power to make the world a better place.  Choose to face and understand your pain instead of hoping for a miracle to come knocking on your door.  This means leaning on and opening up to others; just know that sometimes the ones we choose to lean on are not strong enough in that moment to support our weight.

Whenever this happens don’t give up.  Instead, keep searching.  I promise that the world is full of people willing to help.  It just so happens that sometimes you need to do the work necessary to find them.