Random thoughts

I wish I was in High School again, but this time with the knowledge I currently possess; the "wisdom of the ages" we can call it. This seems to be a common desire, to go back in time and become something we weren't, or at least be better than we were.

I marvel at the fact that I seem to always wish I could change the past instead of looking at the present and realizing what can be changed for the future. If I spent half the amount of time I spend looking back at my failures instead looking at how simple they are to change, I wonder what I could be, or at least what I would be doing.

I think the hardest thing in life to do is just that, to change, especially if life is simple and comfortable. That is my biggest problem right now, I work 20-30 hours a week and make enough to live comfortably. My jobs are, in all respects, fun, filled with good people, active and altruistic. I teach Physical Activity Courses at a local college; basically they pay me good money to play sports with college kids. I also coach soccer and counsel kids and adults on life, college recruiting and athletics. By all accounts, and in comparison to many, a great life, but it lacks fulfillment.

I find that the feeling of something lacking comes from an absence of intellectual stimulation, both real and perceived. And that therein lies the problem, I have a number of ideas that would be of great benefit to me, on a monetary as well as psychological level, but they all involve risk. Risk to take a chance, risk to fail, risk to succeed.

The question I struggle with the most is which is more detrimental? To risk failure for the hope and possibility of a better life, or to risk losing the one I know?