And yes, I note the redundancy of that title ... =-)
I have neglected to post anything in quite some time due to numerous factors, the most prevalent of which surrounds a desire to see and experience rather than rehash.
I left you all in Gallup, NM, with a Navajo population taking its anger out on a naive white kid whose middle class upbringing has molded a mind not closed, but not fully open.
Since then I have traveled extensively - though, sadly, nowhere near as far as planned as a broken auto has been the bane of my trip and the focus of far too much of my energy. The Atlantic Ocean was to be my turning point North, but fate (or just poor mechanics) have changed that to the Mississippi.
Though disappointing, this setback has not detracted from the journey as I have still visited, and hopefully reconnected with, good friends along the way, traveled with a great companion whose ability to withstand in close proximity all that is Andrew provides me hope, and have asked for and experienced challenges previously unknown - though, I wasn't aware that this request was to be taken so literally (or so extensively).
So far this trip has taught me a great many things about myself, the most important of which is the recognition that growth in self-awareness is a perpetual journey.
This growth has illuminated numerous flaws and strengths, the easiest of which to identify has been my extreme lack of patience - a character trait obviously more prevalent in myself than I realized - as all of your postings and recommendations to "just sit" have shown me.
I have found myself constantly on the move, always "go, go, go" instead of slowing to enjoy not only the ride, but also the view. I thank you all for that awareness, as it has helped me to slow down and has forced me to apply the brakes to not only my body, but my mind as well.
There are, of course, repercussions to newfound awarenesses, in this case they are manifest in the form of about 25 drafts sitting in my folder - daily notes and reflections on the journey that has been thus far.
I do forsee a schedule ahead that is lighter on travel and heavier on wireless availability, but will not commit to anything. As they say, patience is a virtue...
6 comments:
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You sound like you're in a more peaceful space. Keep on seeing and experiencing. There will be time to rehash, and more to rehash if you're present en route.
question: do you find that you enjoy the trip now that you aren't alone? is being by yourself the toughest thing for you to handle? does having katie with you make you feel better about yourself? your life? (i guess those would be questionS and not just one):)
seems like you are not most comfortable with YOU... just an observation... any truth to it?
I find that the trip was - and yes, purposeful past tense as it is now over (the van won as battling with her became the focus) - better with others; be it Katie or hitchhikers, people I met on the travels or friends kind enough to take me in. (As an aside, if I had to choose, I think Katie wins out though (though it was GREAT to see everyone)).
I am actually pretty good by myself, seek out solitude quite often in fact. I think most of the anger was a product of a different set of expectations than I should have had and the reflection on an expensive trip wasted. (And yes, I do know that at one point I will look back and see the obvious gains from this trip and ignore the monetary expenditure, but for now, I just need a drink).
;o) haha! Could be the title of your book... "...but for now, I just need a drink..." just a thought.
Sorry to hear you're feeling disappointed about your trip, that right now it feels like a costly misuse of time and other resources. I don't know whether to give you credit or call you crazy for taking off on a trip with Bessie. I must confess that traveling in such a vehicle would have been enough to send me over the edge.
Maybe you'll discover that life "at home" can be far more rewarding and peaceful than it seemed to be before your journey.
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