All of this below, as well as all of my writing in general, is my personal perspective on my life, how I have viewed and chosen to interpret what I have experienced. It is factual only in this context: that it is me experiencing it.
So much for karma....
Santa Barbara fading in the rear view I set a course for a point as far south as my weary brain would take me. Had I listened to logic my course would have never veered from the 10 but a damn Tom Petty refrain wouldn't let go of my mind and I exited towards Ventura with a curiosity about fate. Turns out fate and Tom don't always mix and all I found was myself lost - though maybe karma just works in odd ways.
This trip through Petty's lyrics directed me back to the 1, a path I would have avoided in favor of sick fixation on time, and I was soon back in my new found comfort zone of finding ocean side resting places. Sadly, the aforementioned fixation passed me by the perfect spot and I ended up pulling over to sleep not ten feet from the highway just north of Santa Monica.
The morning sun piercing through my curtains woke me from dreams of surfing on cars and I was off to visit my ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be my cousin - a note of clarification for all of you who are now sitting there with your mouths wide open in shock (please wipe those speckles of spit from off your monitor and reattach your jaw): I am adopted so there is no blood relation whatsoever, we rarely saw each other growing up - I can count the number of times on one hand - and, oddly enough, both of our parents (minus her father, who just thought it amusing) thought it was the grandest idea they had ever heard of (my biggest dilemma, where would the family sit at the wedding?).
As much as passion held us together during the good times, it wedged us apart during the aftermath, my anger not allowing me to forgive and her need to know not allowing her to let me be. Seeing her after all of these years should have been charged but the trials of my life's current course had minimized my emotional connection to all around me and we dropped straight into our normal conversation mode: long of wind and plentiful of interruption.
It seems that our relationship history (familial aside) boded for a harsh return to earth from the throngs of love: years prior I had stolen her from her current husband, a guy so nice that to do something so inherently evil almost made me think God Himself would come down and spite me - though, with the venom and hurt spawned from this relationship, maybe he did.
Our conversation was a long time overdue and through the course of a lengthy question and answer session we came to peace with the past but I couldn't help but feel like she was searching for more, her comments seemed to harbor more than just conversational goals. Logic tells me that it was just her penchant for shock and attention when it comes to conversations, both quirks of hers long forgotten during the years apart, but letting it slip from my mind proved difficult.
And so, both at peace and confused, I left, a short jaunt to a waiting barbecue in San Diego my goal. Unfortunately, this being LA, a quick stop off in Pasadena to see my aunt and uncle and typical LA traffic made this an impossibility.
No comments:
Post a Comment