Are you OK?

It is interesting to see that some things never change, no matter how much time passes.  Themes constantly weave their way through our lives, ebbing and flowing as lives soar and dip.  Looking back over my blog, I have come to realize that what I thought to be my life's current dips, themes of confusion, anger, loss and frustration, all have roots that run much deeper than realized.

I know where they come from and, if you believe a counselor I once bantered back and forth with, sadly around a quarter of you can readily understand my pain.  Regardless, I know that, on some level ,every human can relate.  You see, we have all experienced things that we wish had happened differently, made decisions that we all wish went in another direction.  This is part of the human condition.

My life wasn't always funk and gloom; I have been happy, endlessly and joyously.  What I have learned though is that I actually enjoy the world a little darker, a little less frivolous, a little less filled with rainbows and sunshine.

If that makes me a horrible person I am ok with that.

You see, I actually get something out of it this state, something that I believe too many miss out on as they desperately push away sadness and sorrow in favor of some surface level distraction.  It turns out that pain is a great teacher, it exposes our weaknesses and vulnerabilities while at the same time highlighting our strengths.  Experiencing something real and taking the time to process through it (how you feel about it, how it affects you) allows you to go a little deeper within yourself and closer to the core of your true being.

During this little jaunt down memory lane that I was reminded of the fact that most people are surface dwellers or choose to hide their depth for fear of judgement.  It seems that most people do not like to divulge their thoughts, opinions or stories as readily as I do.  I think that this is the biggest reason that I have been reluctant to go into the field of counseling, I fear that I am far too blunt and direct for most people. My probing into the "why", "how" and "what" of it all often puts most people off, but I ask because I truly believe people WANT to be asked, to talk about the things weighing on their mind.

It just so happens that most people don't realize that it is okay to go to these depths, that this journey, self-guided or hand held, will allow them to let some of the weight go.  Though this does not come easily for most, TALKING, DELVING, DWELLING and SORTING through all that you experience will enable you to better understand yourself.  Once you have a better idea of why something made you feel as it did, you can set about fixing, embracing, changing or avoiding it in the future.

Being that this fear of "truth of self" is the norm, the human race has a serious problem.  Because humans want, SO badly, to be happy they avoid questions and situations in life that cause angst, fear and restlessness.  In a desperate attempt to create the feeling that all is well, we choose to skew our views about what is truly important and pretend that this life, the one spent skimming along the surfaces we see as clean and pristine, is everlasting.

But perhaps I am wrong, I acknowledge one of my biggest flaws is that I profess to know people better than they know even themselves.  This comes from an egotistical believe that I have a solid grasp on the human condition.  Simply put, EVERYONE hurts and EVERYONE has moments when they feels like the world is a collection of madness and chaos with no rules or equality.

I just wonder though, why so few are afraid to tackle these moments head on? Why are they so afraid to talk about them, to ask for help from others?  More concerning to me is why are people afraid to ask others about the hurt they can plainly see written across someone's eyes?

I find it hard to believe that most people cannot see pain, confusion or hurt in another.  Why then are so many afraid to ask the simple questions, especially of those closest to us.  Questions such as, "are you ok?"  and "Anything you want to talk about?"  can go a LOOOONG ways in turning a bad moment into a manageable one.

Perhaps though this is more about pushing the issue when you sense the bullshit.  Most can tell when they are being fed a line, a quaint little, "I'm fine" uttered in hopes that somehow this lie will suffice.

Remind yourself of how you feel when you hurt and want nothing more than to get past the pain.   Most people say they are "fine" because they either believe this is what YOU want to hear or they are afraid you DON'T CARE or WON'T UNDERSTAND.

For the HUMAN race  to persist, we must recognize that we are all in this together.  Lose the believe that you, as an individual, cannot make a difference. This lie has been drilled into the collective conscious by those that don't want you to know that we ALL can make a difference.

Every individual constantly changes the world around them.  Do you want that change to be positive or negative?

Spend some time in your own head.  When hurt, instead of picking up that burger, chocolate, beer or puff, think about WHY you hurt.  Think about how it makes you feel and how this pain, confusion, anger or angst is affecting your relationship with the world around you.  Most of all, when you see the same feelings in someone else, do unto them what you desperately want others to do for you, ask them how they are and don't accept "fine" as an answer.

The world can be changed, it just so happens that this movement starts one person at a time.