a mom's perspective (with permission)

I had to smile and giggle when you were talking about checking your emails while waiting for contact.....I didn't want to leave our computer's side....for fear that if I wasn't RIGHT THERE to get it it would somehow vanish....!!?? And then when it finally did come - the one with your actual contact information ~ I hollered, jumped up and down, paced back and forth, laughed, cried and was utterly amazed that you were so close!! What are the odds.

I wanted to immediately pick up the phone and call, but in my heart knew that would be too hard right at first....how do/would I introduce myself....what would we say. My next thought was because your birthday was the day before (and oh how I hoped and prayed to contact you ON your birthday!), I would send you an ecard....but they were all really sappy or too funny. Nothing was appropriate for our situation. So I wrote the email that you received....hoping and praying that it was enough. Enough joy, enough love, enough hope, enough respect....because like you - i had gone through every possible combination of possible scenarios I could think of and wanted to say just the right thing. Then push the send button......NOW the waiting REALLY began.....what if it went to spam or junk mail and you didn't get it????? So I decided that if I hadn't heard anything in 24 hours, I would snail mail you a card - "just in case of spam".

I had just served up dinner, but of course couldn't eat anything.....I didn't know what to do...Jim and I played some cards. I don't even remember what game or who won...just NEEDED something to do....one hour went by.....I called Brin - she was ecstatic to know and to hear that you were so close...one of the first things she said is "I want to meet him don't forget!!!!!!". I called my sister even though I am pretty sure I woke her up...she was in shock with me - Corvallis!! Corvallis??!! I called my brother....he was happy too although the more "cautious" one..."be careful and make sure he's really him!!" And of course all through out this time I am hitting the refresh button about every 30 seconds or so....Jim finally had to convince me that it could be a while before you even got our email. You worked and being that it was at a college - you might have night classes or something. He kept telling not to worry....we've waited this long if it's another 24 - 48 hours we can handle it....like HELL, I kept thinking.... I want to know NOW!!!

Then, there you were in the in-box Andrew....I couldn't click on it fast enough - and of course Yahoo took that moment in time to hiccup or pause or whatever they do! And you had FaceBooK......I don't think I fully read or at least comprehended your email...I wanted to see you....and there you were my first look EVER of you - my son. I don't know if you feel I have the right to say "my son" - and please know that I mean NO disrespect to your parents.....I owe them the world for raising you and loving you. But in my heart you will always be my son. I'm just so blessed to have found you and be able to talk to you and pray that we can become good friends.

I have tried to interact with just the right amount of enthusiasm....and I hope I haven't either come on too strong or not strong enough. I know how hard this must be for you - even though you knew you were adopted - I KNOW that you love your Mom and Dad and never want to betray them in anyway. That is GOOD! That is the way it is suppose to be. Like I said I don't want to take anything away from them. I believe that love is meant to multiply .... not divide.

It warmed my heart to know that you had made an attempt to find me....I often wondered if you had/would. I hope we didn't cause to much of a stir for the lady in Florida!! I had, through out all the years sent my contact information to ISS Japan whenever I moved. Even when you were 2 - "just in case"...... but it wasn't until I got a computer in about 2004 that I begun searching in ernest......my letters to ISS Japan never seemed to pan out into anything...so I began on the internet....but every time I tried to find out about international adoptions, it assumed that I wanted to adopt a baby from China or someplace. No matter how I tried I couldn't ask the computer in such a way that it understood my question. I then wrote to the State Department. They are suppose to keep track of any US citizens born outside of the United States...well they cashed my check and I STILL haven't heard from them....guess one should know by know that the government is not quick about ANYTHING! One thing that the computer gave me was an adoption weekly e-newsletter that I got to my yahoo a couple times a week. I read it for about a year while doing all my other research (and waiting on the State Dept). On 9/16/08 I remember thinking - I'll write in my story...no one has been able to help me yet, so what have I got to loose? So I wrote "our" story....on 9/21 I got a email from a lady named Teddy who lives in Japan. A friend of hers in England read my story and forwarded it on to her because Teddy works with pregnant teens in Japan and all the various adoption agencies there.

I emailed her right back explaining that I'd been trying to contact ISS Japan etc and Teddy told me that the address I had was way old "they moved from there YEARS ago" - no wonder my inquires didn't pan out!!! So she gave me the name of a lady who she had worked with on other occasions...and told me to email her. I did right away. Ms Oba emailed me back on 9/30 to tell me that she had found my file and yes she could help me but "no offense, by email, you could be anyone......." she needed a notarized copy of my signature and photo I.D. then she could proceed....due to the time difference between here and Japan I had to WAIT ~ SOME MORE ~ til the following morning to have it done which I did and got in the mail that day. on 10/14 I received her email verifying that she got my letter and would start. Sigh, more waiting....you would think I was pretty good at it my now.....after the first of the year we still hadn't heard anything so I acted like the polite Japanese I know they are and emailed her a "Happy New Year" please don't forget about me....email. She responded right away saying not to worry - "these things take time"......sigh that word again....time.

On 2/3 received the email "we are happy to inform you that the search for your son was successful. He is pleased and wishes to be in contact with you" but ....more formalities and please be patient "just a little bit longer. So sorry for the inconvenience"...sigh....but at the same time I couldn't stop crying....you were alive.....you were happy to hear from me! All I could hope for was this "just a little bit longer" was just that - not long.....your birthday was coming...oh what a joy that would be.... but we both know that your birthday came and went as it had done so many other years.....little did I know what Wed would bring!

Something that I found curious...in your blog you mentioned that your birth certificate gave you the name John Allen Fiske......that is not the name I gave you or was on the certificate that went with you at birth. I named to Jonathan Micheal Fiske....just curious....

I am so thankful that you have had a good life. And I know that you will find what you are looking for. Thank you for letting me finally be at least a part of it.

I love you, I ALWAYS have.
Laur